My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
