Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
