Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
