so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
