My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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