Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
