I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
