Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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