This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
