I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish i was in the wii world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
