was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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