I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
