Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
