Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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