Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
