i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
