Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
