someone threw a dead crab at me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
