the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
