Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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