Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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