take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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