Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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