can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
