Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize