jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
