Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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