you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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