i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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