im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
