Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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