Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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