Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
