Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize