You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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