I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
