mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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