Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
