last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize