I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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