wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize