the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
