If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
