so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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