i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
