Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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