Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
