You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
