I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
