I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
