I wish they made helmets for livers.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
