just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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