bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
