She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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