Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
