tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
