I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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