I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize