i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
