He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
