And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
