I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
