I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
