I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
