I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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