i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
