So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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