My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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