if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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