i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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