he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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