when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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