Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
