Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
