so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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