just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
