apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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